The wobble that almost turned into, *shudder*, a real job

Last night I had a wobble.

It was so bad I actually took out my dusty old CV and started searching for jobs.

It started with a casual snarky remark in a community. And ended with me questioning whether this whole ‘running my own business’ thing was genuinely for me.

I came this close to packing it all in.

Why am I sharing my wobble moment?

Because while I may seem to be coasting along on a wave of sarcasm and success … And while I may appear to be prolific, busy and generally doing okay—I have dark days just like everyone else.

Hopefully by sharing them I can make someone else feel a little bit better.

My wobble story

Don’t get me wrong. There are days when I think running my lifestyle business rocks, and I’m 110% convinced I made the right choice.

But there are other days when it all just seems a bit too hard.

I’m not sure what it is—the constant need to squeeze out the dollars, the relentless pressure of competition, the grating irritation of copycat businesses, or the arse-clenching struggle to motivate yourself through each day.

It’s during these dark days that it becomes easy to fall down the solopreneur rabbit hole.

My rabbit hole tends to make me:

• Compare myself unfavourably to others, and measure their successes against my own failures.
• Feel bad about my typo-packed website, cringe-worthy headshot or lack of social media followers.
• Freak out about my sluggish cash flow, lack of enquiries or woeful conversion rate.

After a few hours down this business burrow I start to question my abilities, my personality, my personal hygiene and my sense of humour.

And this particular night was a doozy.

It was late, I was tired, and my fingers were red raw with clicking.

I found myself scrolling through REAL jobs and pondering if I really would be better off working for ‘the man’.

I fantasised about the sweet joy of a steady wage, annual leave and sick days, and the freedom to completely switch off after work.

On that wobbly day I truly, madly, deeply craved the (relatively) pressure-free life of an employee.

So I fiddled with the font on my resume, saved it as CV2016.doc and went to bed with visions of corporate life dancing in my exhausted mind.

Then I woke up—literally and figuratively.

In the warm light of a fresh, moist day, everything didn’t seem so bad.

I felt a little brighter:

• My bank balance may not be fat, but it is slightly chubby.
• The competition may be stiff, but it’s still manageable.
• Those copycats will hopefully get what’s coming to them.

And the motivation? Well, we can’t be ‘rah rah rah’ all the time, can we?

It’s fine to put down the pom-poms every so often and admit running a business of any size is a tough gig. After all, if it was easy then everyone would be doing it, right?

Some days all we can do is keep on keeping on:

• Sending out those proposals.
• Tweeting those tweets.
• Calling those clients.
• And putting one meme in front of another.

This time I survived my wobble.

My CV is back in its trusty old folder, and my time on the job recruitment websites is a secret between me and my browser history.

I’m back to feeling confident that me being in a proper job just wouldn’t work out—assuming anyone would even hire me.

My business is where my heart lies, and for now I’m just going to try my best and have my best be good enough.

Have you ever had a wobble and considered giving up the business-owning life? Please share in the comments below.