Noel Ranger is out of the office

Dear valued client,

Thank you for contacting Noel Ranger & Associates Integrated Consulting Solutions (NRAICSS) – here to help you 24/7/365 7/5/328. We are I am out of the office.

Our office My bedroom will be closed for the period of 21 December to 8 January. I was going to work right through to the 22nd, but I’ve had a gut full of this year.

Should you need any assistance during the break please don’t hesitate to contact my personal assistant / refer the matter to my boss / dial 0 to get put through to reception / work it out for yourself.

I was planning on cutting down to a skeleton staff over the break, but that would mean having less than one person in the office and I just don’t see that working out.

However, I will leave my personal phone number for you, 1300 WHATEVER, which you are free to call any time day or night. The phone will be switched off so you won’t disturb anyone. The recorded message will probably say something like “I will return your call as soon as possible”, but that’s not true, because I won’t.

Alternatively, if your matter is particularly urgent, please send an email to whatpartofthewordholidaydontyouunderstand@gmail.com. If this gives you the impression that I will be checking my email during the break, I apologise for misleading you. However, I will delete your email promptly upon my return.

I have really enjoyed all the times that I have worked with you this year. Any chance you could pay me for the project completed in August?

During the break I will firmly resolve to do all sorts of things like ‘charge you what I’m worth’, ‘say no to unreasonable demands’, ‘stop working at night’, ‘ yada yada, however rest assured I’ll be back to my old habits by Australia Day.

Thanks again for sending your email. I did actually see it come through because I am still at my computer finishing my Christmas shopping online, but let’s pretend I didn’t.

Compliments of the season,

Noel Ranger